A Surprisingly Effective Solution

Captain’s Log, stardate 9871.2:

Managed IT services in Knoxville has proven effective in helping the Starship Enterprise reconfigure internal systems and get the Warp Drive back online. Scotty’s excellent at delegation, but it does appear Romulan ale is taking its toll. We on the Enterprise are quite impressed with the technology they had in the 21st century, and now I go to conduct an exit interview with young Stefan Wilson of Allevia Technology pertaining to precisely what characterizes this antiquated yet somehow futuristic tech. Perhaps I can get to the bottom of how it has been lost in the annuls of history.

Captain on The Engineering Deck

Stefan had just finished sending his team back to the transporter room so they could resume providing top-tier managed IT services in Knoxville. He hadn’t finished preparing his explanation for the drunken Scotsman involved with engineering when Captain James T. Kirk showed up from the bridge and asked for an assessment: “So… you fixed things much quicker than I think any of us were expecting.”

Stefan swallowed, recognizing rank when he saw it. “Well, we’re used to fixing problems quick at Allevia. I’m frankly surprised you don’t have any kind of managed IT services in the future.”

“Well we’ve… developed beyond them,” Kirk said.

“Seems to me more like you’re backpedaling. I can’t believe there aren’t any computer screens on this whole ship!”

“That’s not true! We… have a huge screen on the bridge!”

“Oh yeah? Well why do you use like, old school cellphone walkie-talkies to communicate?”

“What’s wrong with our communicators?”

“Oh, nothing— but look at my ‘communicator,'” and Stefan pulled out a cellphone.

A Surprised Federation Crew

Kirk looked at it, and would have raised an eyebrow in a very Vulcan way, but Spock had manifested himself like a cat (as Vulcans are wont to do when it suits them) and managed to say: “Fascinating,” before anyone else could say anything.

“You would find that fascinating, wouldn’t you, you green-blooded goblin.”

Kirk jumped. “Bones, where did you come from?”

“I’m always here to deliver repartee in three-part harmony when that pointy-eared demon notices anything; or haven’t you been paying attention to our character arc dynamics over the last fifty years?” Bones turned to Stefan: “Good work, kid. We could use a hand like yours on the Enterprise.”

Kirk smiled, “You know, we really could…”

“Thanks guys, but it’s a full-time job providing:

  • Computer Repair
  • Managed Service
  • Website Design

…and many other things down in Tennessee. Our managed IT services in Knoxville regularly have their hands full. But I’ll tell you what I could do.”

“What’s that?” Kirk asked.

“I could teach Scotty here a few things, and maybe you could upgrade your systems to use high-tech computer screens again in a few seasons— er, generations; er— why am I using words like that? I mean years.”

“Alright, Laddie,” Scotty said. “Show me this newfangled technology o’ your’n.”

A Brief and Typical Epilogue

“Captain,” Spock said as Stefan pulled out a laptop and began educating Scotty on the finer aspects of 21st century IT over sips of Romulan Ale, “How did you know this measure would be successful?”

Kirk looked off into space for a moment, then replied: “Well Mr. Spock, I’m not sure… I guess I just have an eye for IT.”